The Skinny on me getting "Skinny"

WARNING: This entry contains graphic photographs and self deprecation!

Exhibit A - Summer 2004

I realized I didn't clarify something.  I don't want to be SKINNY.  I want to be fit, healthy, thin, strong, happy, and in-shape.  But for the sake of simplicity, let's just keep calling it skinny.  There is such a thing as too skinny.  See exhibit A.  That is a photo of me 8 years ago, when I was just 20 years old.  Oh how time flies!  The craziest thing about this photo to me isn't how much I have changed over the last 8 years, it's the fact that back then, I actually thought I was fat.  I hated my tummy, thinking I had a muffin top.  W....T.....F!!!!!! So yeah, this is not my goal.  But it's good to remember where you came from.  So, in the spirit of laying it all out there, I have gained 50 pounds since this photo was taken (actually more, but I lost some of it - baby weight ya know).

Exhibit B - May 15,2012

I'm now going to get to the scariest part of all of this.  My dreaded "before" photo (Exhibit B).  My sister took these pictures today and they almost sent me into a deep depression.  When I look in the mirror on a daily basis I don't see what is in those pictures.  I hide my body pretty well with the way I dress it, so I feel like I don't look that bad.  Once again I'm going to lay out the disclaimer that I know I am not obese, but I am overweight.  This is about my story and my journey, not about me judging anyone else who is my size or bigger.  But I look at this "before" photo and I see an overweight person.  Like, if I saw me walking down the street with my husband I would think to myself, "Wow, how did she get so lucky?"  OK, I wouldn't, because I'm not as critical of other people as I am of myself.  But sometimes I worry that people will see this tall, strong, handsome fit guy next to his fat wife.  So, I decided not to let these photos depress me, but have them motivate me to push harder.  I'm going to print them and put them in my bathroom, on my fridge, etc.  Any time I don't feel like going on, I'm going to look at that photo.  I'm going to say to myself "Do you want to eat that cookie, or do you want to be skinny?  Do you want to lie on the couch instead of running, or do you want to be skinny?" Anyway, I have to say it has taken me a lot of courage to post that photo.  It's horrible and I hate it, but I can't hide anymore otherwise I'll never get it done, I know me.  So this is me.  I need to lose 25-30 pounds.

Exhibit C - July 2006

My goal is to look like I did when I got married (see Exhibit C).  Once again, I stupidly thought I was fat (because I was a whole 20 heavier than in Exhibit A).  I guess right after this is when I started my downward spiral.  Jonathon left for Afghanistan less than three months after we got married.  It was the most stressful time in my life by far.  I have never experienced anything so hard in my life and I probably never will again.  When I am stressed, I like to eat, and drink.  Wine was flowing, fries were frying, and somehow, we made it through that nightmare (I'm only talking about my experience, it was MUCH worse for him....and now that I'm a mom I can also say it was MUCH worse for his mom!).  Anyway, I gained 10 pounds while he was away. He didn't seem to mind, he was just happy to be alive and home again.  I thought to myself, ok now that he's home, I don't have to stress, I'll lose that ten pounds.  Instead, I kept gaining.  I gained a total of 35 pounds from my wedding weight.  Ew.  I really wish I had enjoyed how great I looked back then, rather than spending all that time thinking I was soooooo fat.  Because look at that picture, I look great, and I can say it now because I'm not there anymore.  But now that I've been where I am today, when I get back there (yes WHEN I get back there) I will love my body because I won't have such a skewed perspective!

So, day one was yesterday and I did my first day of my running program and it was horrible and wonderful at the same time.  I hated running, but the endorphins were amazing and the weather was beautiful.  I can see why people get addicted to endorphins.  What an awesome feeling.  It's like your reward for hard work!  Then I got home and did some lunges and squats and Wyatt was laughing at me because it was so funny!  Today I focused on upper body and abs.  I found this torturous move called the inchworm which made my abs burn for 3 days the first time I tried it.  Today while I was doing crunches, Wyatt came up and put his head on my tummy for a hug and then started laughing really hard when I was coming up.  Then I did push up and he did the same thing on my back.  So cuddling and working out at the same time?  BONUS!

In closing, I want to share a hilarious photo that describes my feelings exactly:

So all you ladies out there who think you're fat, please please please keep this in mind!!!!!