Lost Part 2: Lost and Found?

After my exceedingly emo post from yesterday, I got a lot of amazing feedback from my friends.  I don't know how to thank you all, but I'm going to try in this post.

Let me start by saying I'm kind of emabarassed that I let the weight gain get to me.  I weighed myself again this morning and I was down three pounds from 24 hours prior.  Yes, water retention is real.  I just didn't want to be using it as an excuse!  But that has to be the reason for it, there's no other explanation for losing 3 pounds in 24 hours.  I mean, right???

I have some things to say to my amazing wonderful friends/supporters:

Kelly, thank you for taking the time to help me out.  It really means a lot to me.  I really trust your advice.  I definitely want to train with you at some point, but I think I have to wait for a couple of ERT overtime cheques to come in! ;)  I also wanted to tell you, I have definitely been doing body weight exercises and free weights.  I do squats, lunges, butt lifts, and a bunch of stuff with 5 lb weights for my arms, back and chest, as well as different kinds of sit ups, crunches, plank, etc!  I know 5 lbs isn't a lot, but I started with 2 lb weights!!

Colleen, you are much smarter than me by not weighing in, I think I have proved that weighing in isn't always a good thing!  Keep it up!

Amanda, I really want to take your advice and throw away the scale, but then again, I don't!  I'm excited that someone else is doing this with me!  Ultimate buffness 2013!

Ana, I never thought of it as being badass! :)

Chris, we've already covered what we need to cover!

Tintan, thanks! LOVE YOU!  And I saw the poster your mom posted! HOTTIE!

Susan, Auntie Teresa, Liz and the anonymous posters, thank you for your support! XO (and a note to the anonymous posters, if you don't sign your name, I have no idea who you are!)

Anyway, I guess I learned a big lesson this week.  I know everyone says don't trust the scale, trust the mirror and your clothes, but it's hard because my goal is weight loss.  My clothes are definitely fitting looser and I feel like I can see changes in the mirror, but that number still gets to me.  I think when I am at my goal weight, a 5 lb normal fluctuation will not bother me, but right now, since I'm at the beginning of my journey, it's like a huge devasting blow because it's backwards motion.  Plus, I've just been a little overwhelmed with working and being a full time mom while my hubby has been out of town  (only other moms or single dads will know what I mean).  It's like, you get home from work, but your days off aren't days off because you have to keep another human being alive.  And one that is very demanding and doesn't have manners yet (but makes up for it with smiles and hugs).  I guess I just realized I haven't had break since he was born, so it's kind of like, I need a week or even just a weekend with no responsibilities!  Good thing I have such an amazing hubby.

Anyway, I'll end by saying, I started this blog to keep myself accountable, and now I've realized that it has helped me in so many other ways thanks to my awesome friends. XOXOXO

PS I just re-read this post and I want to say that I don't think this is some sort of red carpet acceptance speech, I just didn't know how else to do it!

Who is the mind reader that wrote this?

Lost

This will probably be my most depressed post yet. I debated even bothering with writing it becaus I wanted to see if I would feel better next week but ugh, here it goes. Yesterday marked the beginning of week 6 and I have gained another pound. So of the 7 pounds I lost in the first 3 weeks, I have gained back 4. WTF. Granted, my weigh-ins are on a Monday and I was at a party and a big family dinner on the weekend, but it just makes me mad that I can't just enjoy the weekend and the summer without hating myself on Monday. Last week I worked out 6 times, 3 of which included really intense cardio (at least by my standards) and I was expecting much better considering this is the hardest I've worked so far. But then a few beers with friends and a fathers day dinner with my fam and it all goes to shit (sorry mom). Anyway, I guess I just feel like all my efforts are amounting to nothing and I'm not prepared to be the person who brings a boiled chicken breast and cucumbers to summer parties. I'm just mad and frustrated and I feel like giving up, but I can't give up, I can't!! I just feel like I've lost my motivation and I don't know how to get it back. All my inspirational quotes and pictures of women with "perfect" bodies only made me more depressed. I'm at a loss. ****sigh**** PS My computer is broken so I had to write this on my iPhone.

Set Backs, New Goals, and Looking Forward

All in all, this has not be a good week.  I mean, it's been a great week for my personal life, but as far as my health and fitness goals, no.

Let's start with my running program.  I feel like I'm going backwards.  I know listening to me go on and on about this probably sounds like a manic-depressive, but it's true.  After my awesome run on Monday, I was all pumped up for Wednesday.....it was horrible.  I had to bring Wyatt and it was just not good with having to push the stroller and worry about his happiness.  I did like 2k, and I didn't even do it quickly, it was just horrible.  I thought I would just write it off as a bad day and make up for it on Saturday and Sunday.  I spent the whole day in the car on Friday (literally, I'm not exagerating) so I was actually pumped to move my body on Saturday morning.  Another horrible run.  I was attacked by deer flies and I couldn't keep up my pace.  It just really discouraged me.  I complained to my sister about it and she said "Well, you did decide to train for a 10k in the middle of summer."  Maybe I was being naive....or maybe I'm just giving myself an excuse to fail now.  Anyway, I wasn't getting the cardio burn I needed so I decided to make some changes (more on that later).

Secondly, the weight loss.  Today marks the beginning of week 5.  At the end of week 3 I had lost seven lbs.  I have gained back three of those pounds.  Normally this would cue my depressed binging and giving up, however, I realize that it may have to do with the lunar calendar and water retention (ya feel me ladies???).  This does usually happen to me, where I gain and lose up to 5 pounds.  So I'm not letting it depress me yet.  If I still haven't lost it by the end of next week, then I will let it depress me (just kidding....I think).  Also, I decided that after a month I would do my measurements.  I have lost 1/2 an inch off my bust (let's face it, that's not a bad thing), 1/2 an inch off my hips (that is kind of a bad thing), and nothing off my waist (that's a very bad thing).  The problem is, that my tummy is where I gain all my weight.  Even when I was sick and underweight, my hips were smaller than my waist.  *sigh*  Obviously that will never change, but I'd like to get it to smaller proportions.  I'll update my measurements in another 4 weeks.

Changes to my plan...  Well, instead of running today, I decided to go downstairs to the elliptical.  I just couldn't face the deer flies and the heat (it's going up to 32C today....come on!), and of course the thought of another failure was just not something I could handle.  I feel like since weight loss is a high priority for me right now, that I need to get some of this weight off before I start beating myself up for not being a runner.  On the elliptical, my heart rate stays up the whole time and I can go for a lot longer because my legs aren't giving out and there's no pressure on my knees.  I just think that until I'm in better shape, the elliptical will serve me better because I can keep my heart rate up for longer.  I'm still doing strength training too, but I need to figure out some sort of shedule.  I want a toned body, not just a thin body.  The only problem with this is that I feel like I'm giving up on doing a 10k in September.  I still really want to do it, but now I'm afraid I won't have time to train for it.  I'm going to be very disappointed in myself if I don't do it.  Even if I say, hey, maybe I'll do the 5k instead and just try to take some minutes off my time.  I don't know.  I'm very confused about this.  Maybe I should just buy a treadmill.  If anyone has any advice, let me know.

I guess I'll close by saying that I'm really discourged about the running thing, but I'm not letting this week's weight gain upset me (yet).  The old me would have used the running failure to quit the whole program, but I went long and hard on the elliptical instead.  So, I guess it's positive in some ways because I'm not giving up.


I didn't have any motivational photos to share relating to this week so I thought I'd share a family photo from the 5k/10k we did last Septmeber when Wyatt was 4 months old!

Endorphins are Better than Alcohol

I had a pretty busy weekend.  I did my weigh-in on Saturday since I knew it would be a "party" weekend, and I have lost 2 more pounds!  That's 7 pounds since I started this blog and 12 since I had Wyatt!  My birthday is tomorrow, and my parents are in town, so we celebrated on Saturday.  Too much wine was had.  The neighbors all came over and we had a bonfire, but I definitely had too much.  Then, my sister's graduation was on Sunday, and my whole family went out to a pub.  The deep fried pickles were calling my name.  I didn't feel well on Sunday due to the wine from Saturday.  Funny how that happens.  Something that isn't good for you makes you feel like complete crap the next day.  Punishment maybe???  The chocolate truffle cake was really good too though.

Anyway, I had to make up for my weekend somehow, and I knew I had to run today.  I'm not 19 anymore, so hangovers last for like 2 days now.  I knew I was working the night shift tonight so I had to have a nap during the day.  I got up with Wyatt and then went back to bed at 9, fell asleep by 10, and slept until almost 2.  After that glorious nap, I felt much better, but I really really really didn't want to run.  I have never not want to run so bad in my life.  Because I pushed so hard on my last run (oh yeah, on Friday I took 2 minutes off my 4 km run and I ran for 1km without stopping at the beginning and 750 meters without stopping at the end, running for 2 minutes and walking for 1 the rest of the time), I knew that my stupid calves would be killing me and I knew I was going to fail at this run and it was going to be horrible and miserable.  Awesome attitude to have, I know.  So I told my sister, "Bek, you need to tell me that I have to run.  I don't have a choice."  and she said "Well, that's true, you do have to run.  You're going to regret it if you don't."  Then I remembered this photo:

.....and I knew this would be sooooo true after my run.  I also remembered this photo:

....and I knew this is how I would feel if I didn't run.

Then I knew I needed some extra motivation so I went on pinterest in the "Fitness" section to see if I could find some motivational quotes, and I found this one:

....and I knew that it was so true, because that's what I told myself on Sunday when I felt like crap and knew there was no way I could run after my "birthday party."  So, this gave me the motivation, even though I knew I would still feel like a failure.

WELL!  I friggin rocked it again!  I upgraded from run 2-walk 1 to run 3-walk 1, and I did that the whole 4k.  Oh wait, no I didn't, because at the end I did 5 minutes.  So, even though I set myself up to fail with my self deprecating attitude, I surprised myself and took another minute off my 4k.  So, I feel awesome.

Things I learned:

-Endorphins feel awesome, hangovers don't, therefore, endorphins are better than alcohol.  Also, endorphins don't make you act stupid and embarrass yourself, just a side note.

-Stop treating myself like I'm always going to fail

-Becoming a runner and a fit person is awesome.

-Losing weight is awesome.

-I have the most awesome neighbors!

YAY! The end.